my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
