My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
