I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
