My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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