Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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