Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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