I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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