no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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