I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
