Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
