So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
