I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
