Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
