I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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