what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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