If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
