some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
