he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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