Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
