just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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