I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
