So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
