I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
