hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
