just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
