I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize