throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
