ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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