He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i dont even know how to be here
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
