so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
