After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
