No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
