and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
