my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i dont even know how to be here
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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