i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
