I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
