jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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