I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize