p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
