i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
