just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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