i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
