I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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