She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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