Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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