ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
