Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
