we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
