She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
