Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
