I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
