my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i dont even know how to be here
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
