I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
