:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
