rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
