Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
