i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
