Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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