i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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