real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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