She announced her abortion via fbk
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize