Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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