Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize