I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We just shotgunned beers for America
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
