you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
