WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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