I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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