You just made me feel so damn special
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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