I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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