I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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