# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
