1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Someone came in the potted fern
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
