I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is it because I queefed?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
