Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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