Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
