it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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