dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
