I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize