i don't like sucking hair
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
