Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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