i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
