she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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