He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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