Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This is classic penis vs brain.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
