SEEEEXXX PLEASE
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Randomize
