I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize