I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
