O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
