i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
