Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
