Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
