So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
