I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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