he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just want nice things and good sex
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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