I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
