capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
