OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
