I hate all girls vehemently.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Randomize
