why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
