This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
