it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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