Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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