The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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