we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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