Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize