Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
