She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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