it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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