Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
