Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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