sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
