if i can run in heels then i can drive
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
