Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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