is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
