I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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